Sue's notes to self

Oh, yes! Why else would I have a phone full of cat photos and little else? Why else would I have struggled to put a pecking order on cats or family, when cats for me are family? Why else would the majority of my blogs (which are few anyway) contain so many cat references and pictures.

Why else would I belong to a global, entirely supportive, sometimes poignant and often crazy Facebook Group called ‘Clergy with Cats’? It might really be better to call it ‘Cats with Clergy’ – which I just did, before I spotted my mistake and edited it. You didn’t know I was clergy? Ah, but I bet you had worked out that I am crazy!

As a matter of fact Dooky – that’s the ginger boy – just walked into my study to tell me it was tea-time. I won’t be popular, being too busy writing about him. In the same way I was too busy taking their photo, above, when they really wanted ‘first breakfast’. Darcey – that’s the tuxedo girl – is on a diet so I leave feeding to their ‘hoodad’ (CwC terminology), as I can’t bear not giving them extras.

I’ve even written a whole poem about Dooky, which was ‘published’, in the loosest sense of the word, and sold for charitable purposes. It was entitled ‘The Vicarage Cat’. I now have ‘The Other Vicarage Cat’ away with the illustrator and am sensing a call to write ‘The Vicarage Kitten’, only I would have to put in some heavy persuading for that to happen.

They are by no means my first cats. Growing up, our family only had the one, but we all doted on her. So it was not long after leaving home that I had my first cat. She was a rescued 13-week old tabby who we called Tabitha, then Tablet, then Moglet… Then we got Trixie, aka Whittley, and Hercules, aka ‘Imp of Darkness’, ‘Coocules’, ‘Clees’, and so on.

It does seem to be a crazy cat thing to name them one thing and call them many others. All my cats have had multiple names, but since they answer to none of them it’s not really a problem. There are certain sounds that they recognise though. The sound of a tuna tin being opened, the rattle of the treat bag, the crackle of the flea treatment ‘sachet’ being opened to release the phial, the click of the clip on the cat carrier. Two they run to, two they run from. I bet you can’t guess which is which?

When they say you can’t herd cats they are quite right, though you can persuade them, or rather bribe them. I think though it is more like they have taught us to use their favourite things to get them to do what we want. Or is it vice versa? You know what I mean. I’ve never trained a cat so those who do have my admiration. I am pretty convinced it’s the other way around.

Some people (dare to) say that cats are stupid. Dogs can learn tricks. Dogs are loyal. Dogs can do loads of special jobs like drug-sniffing, and criminal-catching, and helping people. Dogs can do loads of things and in general they want to please us. Cats don’t worry about pleasing people, more about how people can please them. That doesn’t mean they are not intelligent or loving, it’s just that everything is on their terms. If I shout ‘Brush Brush’, Dooky, who is shaggy, will come to get his fur brushed – when he wants to. If he doesn’t, hard luck. She won’t come at all, unless of course you are brushing him. Fickle, or what?

The other thing about cats is that it is not easy to have nice furniture, as they have no sense of obedience (okay so dogs can be obedient). Our sofa and chairs are either flattened (see above), shredded or covered in fur. All beds have been slept on, and in even when you are trying to do the same. All loose items are free range for playing with. All breakable things need to be kept out of the way in case of ‘Zoomies’, often practiced in the middle of the night when they are bored. Buying them their own beds, scratching posts and toys does not stop them. Everything in their house is theirs, you just provide it for them.

But I wouldn’t be without them and I’ve passed cat owning on to my children too. They are perhaps not as crazy …. yet. I am proud to be a Crazy Cat Lady and I could go on and on about their antics. I could urge people to try owning one if they haven’t tried it (sorry, to allow yourself to be owned by one), but they are a big commitment, however independent they might be. They still need love. Just, always on their terms.

Don’t try to tickle the tummy whatever you do! Unless you have gauntlets. You’d need them for giving worming pills or getting them in the pet carrier anyway.

Sue, May 2024