Sue's notes to self

It’s a question I have asked myself many times. I have never been overfond of the more creepy-crawly insects, though I love butterflies, of course. I never would have made it in my first career dream, of being an Applied Biologist. I think I knew that when our A Level teacher walked back into the lab just as I screamed my head off, as the (only) boy in the class shoved a jar of VERY large cockroach under my nose. Shudder! Disapproval.

My godfather always maintained that pigeons were a waste of space and my dad was known to drive the starlings from the garden, but give me a bird any day. Anything rather than a creepy crawly, and most specifically these days, wasps!

My dislike of these sneaky little blighters stems from the fact that I have only ever been stung by stealth. The first occasion was when I was a mere girl and had been blackberrying with friends. (I preferred ‘newting’, but you can’t eat them). I felt a sharp pain behind the right ear and on putting my juice-covered finger there I pulled out a wasp. Boy, did it hurt!

The second occasion was when I was pushing my two boys in their pushchair and I felt something attack my side. I was wearing yellow, but that should not be an excuse. The curse of the wily wasp struck again. The third occasion was the most embarrassing. As a (supposedly) much more mature lady I was going into church one Sunday when I felt the, by now, familiar pain. The wretched thing had crawled in between by skirt and top and had stung me on the bottom. Although there was more padding, it was nonetheless painful, although thankfully not on the part I sit on. To add to the embarrassment we had a visiting bishop. He thought it rather funny actually, and imagine my chagrin when he asked at the end of the service (in a very loud voice) “How’s your bum, Sue?” In case you are wondering, said bishop is no longer in the Church of England.

I was reminded of all this when visiting the Annual Craft and Design Fair at Hyde Hall (other RHS gardens are available). We went quite late so decided to stick to coffee, rather than queue up for ice cream. Good move as it turns out. I found a table with only two wasps flying round, but I needn’t have worried as a lady on the next table had a very tasty looking tub of strawberry (probably) ice cream. She was also surrounded by wasps. Her companions were laughing (and tutting) as she unsuccessfully tried to swat them away. I might have laughed, but I could see just how many were also behind her, where she could not see them! She ran away in the end, but some of the wasps stayed. While she was gone, and it was much safer, I asked her friends if I could take a photo for evidence purposes – see above – as the wasps were not coming to me! Typical. When you want one, where are they?

Now I know that they can’t really hurt you that much, unless you happen to be allergic or accidentally get one in the mouth or other sensitive place. I will chase them away in defence of a child, but who doesn’t overcome fear when the children are involved? I recall taking Brownies away on a Pack Holiday once and spending each evening trying to get the wasps out of the very tall hall before ‘lights out’, because one had an allergy. It would have helped if the people who had a flower festival the week before had not left rotting vegetation outside the back door.

Even in the vicarage they come a-visiting. We had a nest in our first summer that the pest-men came to get rid of. (They came back to get rid of the pigeons under the solar panels too. My godfather would have approved). For three springs running we have had the odd, large, dopey, (likely) queen trying to make an escape from somewhere indoors to the outside. I know not where they come from, but most only make it to the window ledge where they expire with no help from anyone, not even the cats. The Afternoon Tea in the garden in August usually sees some buzz in. I had not realised that they liked cake so much, that they would fly away with a piece. Greedy ‘whatsits’.

So back to the question, why wasps? We all know that bees are in danger because of the use of pesticides, and we all know that we need the bees as they are great pollinators. We plant flowers just for them. We feed them with sugary water when we see them flagging, we keep them in hives … and nick their honey for ourselves. Generally we are benevolent towards the bees. The thing is they usually only sting when really aggravated and threatened. They can usually only do this once because their hooked sting stays behind as we swat them away. However, I have seen them sting twice. (That’s another story).

Wasps on the other hand, have a straight sting that doesn’t get left behind, and can therefore always have another go. They are much more easily riled. Once annoyed they will be back too, probably with some mates to help them. If they didn’t come to our picnics in summer they might be ignored a lot more. Fortunately, in comparison to bees, their season of outdoor activity is much shorter, though it does just happen to coincide with when we want to be out and about too. Do they have uses? Apparently yes, they become accidental pollinators when they are searching for nectar to feed themselves, being fond of sweet and sugary stuff (as we know). Also, they actually hunt down many insect pests in our gardens to feed to their young, in great quantities, so they could be considered as the gardener’s friend.

Not mine though. Despite knowing that all God’s creatures have their place, I am very unlikely to become a wasp-lover. I’d far rather they kept a healthy distance and would mind their own business, than sneak up on me unawares and sting me in embarrassing places (and at awkward moments).

Why wasps? Because they just are. Do I like them? No. Will I ever like them? No. Can I leave them be? Yes, if they have the courtesy to do the same!

29th August 2023